The Marlo Tribune, Volume Two

Island Overrun With White Foxes; Experts Baffled

Our island this past week has become absolutely overrun with white foxes, and nobody seems to know why. The normally mountain-dwelling animals were hitherto fairly scarce, but their populations, certainly in populated areas, have exploded in recent days. Gentleman Orc, the Professor Emeritus of Making Stuff Up at the Mamono School, believes that the foxes are entering settled areas in search of food, as they seem to display a particular fondness for rice cakes.

While experts believe the animals are mostly harmless, they discourage residents from feeding the foxes. Continuing to do so, they explain, could potentially cause the foxes to become dependent on us, and abandon their traditional ranges and way of life. Unfortunately, the same experts point out that nobody seems to have studied the foxes, and we don't even know what their normal food source is, anyway.

Loli Shortage Alarms Lovers of All Things Small and Cute

A manifesto circulating this week by a shadowy group known only as the Loli Liberation Front warns of a growing shortage of lolis, particularly in the Duchy. "The situation is dire dire," the manifesto reads in part, "and something needs to be done done." While no-one seems to know who is involved with the Loli Liberation Front, Duchy residents and merchants do agree that there are noticably fewer little adorable folk running around than was typical in the past.

Religious leaders blame the shortage on illness and impiety, but civil leaders privately admit they can't explain the dwindling numbers. The government in the Duchy urges people not to panic, saying they're working diligently to get to the bottom of the problem, and are confident there's a simple, straightforward explanation. Until then, though, the shortness of lolis is taking its toll on some residents and adventurers. "Julie very sad sad," said a woman at the tavern named Juliet. "No lolis for her tea parties, and all these sleeping pills going to waste waste."

Sudden Pun Outbreak Injures Three

The normally consistent, round-the-clock violent slaughter of mamonos in an area park was interrupted for two hours by a sudden outbreak of wild puns, double-entendres, and wordplay. Witnesses say the outbreak began with fish-related jokes but quickly spread to other topics, such as animals, trees, and food. Many in attendance seem to have enjoyed the unexpected ant-ics. "Are you squidding me?" said one young, blue-haired woman, "this needs to happen moor often; it was a-maize-ing!" Others were less enthusiastic, including a low-level fighter who says he witnessed most of the mischief. "I cried for help," he told our reporter, "deer gods, I cried, but the hart-less bastards ignored mecompletely. Can you bill-ieve it? A demon watching the whole thing told me to duck off." Others, however, had it even worse, as authorities report three injuries, the most signific-ant of which ap-pears to bee a severe arm injury. Although she declined to comment, reports are a woman fractured her humerus while flea-ing the area. De-tails of the other injuries are knot known at this thyme.

Weapon-Littering Epidemic Persists, Confounding and Alarming Experts

The proliferation of discarded weapons in various public spaces throughout the island, as reported in last week's Marlo Tribune, continues with no sign of ending, and nobody is yet able to offer a coherent explanation. While the phenomenon persists, authorities remind people to watch where they step.

Engineers Afflicted With Mysterious Impotence, Depression

All seven of the island's high-ranking engineers were struck down this week, apparently simultaneously, by a curious affliction. "I don't understand," said one, who asked not to be identified. "On Monday, I could cast Dark Fog, no problem. I knew it forwards and backwards. I could probably have cast it in my sleep. On Wednesday, I shout and I gesture, but... nothing happens.

Tragically, the affliction and resulting malaise amongst the island's engineers has been met with cold indifference, and in some cases jubilation, by the rest of the population. Allegations that they can be replaced by younger and more effective mages were denied by engineers as "not completely true", but most we talked to admitted they're seeking new career opportunities, in one case as a poet.

Healers Plan Second Strike; Someone Actually Notices

High-ranking priests and other healers across the island have called for an organized work stoppage the week of October 5-12, to protest their terrible working conditions and lack of respect. "Nobody notices us when we're here," said one organizer, who asked not to be named for fear of their safety, and because their bond, Oathkeepers, forbids unauthorized statements to the media, "but we think they're darn well going to notice when we're gone." "It's a thankless job," said another, "keeping you incompetent squishies alive all the time. Something's got to change."

Public sentiment is divided on whether such a work stoppage will be effective, or is even desirable. Several people interviewed by the Tribune described the planned action as short-sighted, selfish, or counter-productive. Some reacted with a possibly alarming degree of glee, such as Lulu, a priestess in Abul. "Excellent," she said, when informed of the strike, "if you ask me, every adventurer needs to die."

Birthdays This Week

Sol, the anonymous woman injured in well-related mischief two weeks ago, turned 22 this week. Having mostly recuperated from her unfortunate mishap, first reported in the Tribune, she spent the evening nursing a celebratory mug of what she assures us was juice in the tavern in Marlo, and was asleep by half past eleven.

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